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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Self Realization

As lucky human beings, we are given the lovely gift of self-realization. We are all aware (after a certain age) that we will, (inevitably) die and maybe... die forever.I cling to hope and logic in thinking, there must be something more... or if there isn't... then damn that was just a serious waste of time.

One of the questions I've struggled with forever, one that loops through my brain and confuses everything... is "WHY do we care?" Why do things "matter"? If our bodies are just doomed to fail us one day, and the brain just simply....shuts off, then why does every stupid or amazing little thing along the way seem like such a disaster or miracle? Why do I cry when I'm sad, or laugh when something's funny? Why do I feel angry, why do I get jealous?

Some days when confronted with these questions, I can manage to pump myself full of positive energy and dismiss them by convincing myself that there is just simply no answer.... but always those little fuckers come creeping back.

Have you ever lied about something trivial, then immediately wondered... "Why did I just say that?" Or done something completely out of character - for no reason at all? What prompts us all to feel, say, think or do anything? Even scarier... why do we love? Is it all just a game against human nature and the need to pro-create, or does true love really exist? How do you find it then... and how would you even know how to recognize it if you did?

I hate all these questions. I hate the human gift of self realization so much that I love it... and even now, seeking clarification from writing it all down I realize....nothing's changed.

I still have no answers.


if you happen to be a billionaire...