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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Underappreciated Art of Silence

If there’s one thing I’m sure I’m good at, it’s lying.

From a very young age right up until just a few years ago I am not proud to admit I had a serious problem. It wasn’t just that I lied all the time, or even that it came easily to me… the biggest problem was… I enjoyed it. I found pleasure in testing the limits and seeing just how much I could get away with. Call it mischievous or manipulative or whatever you like - I realize now it’s a worthless way to go through life. A house built of lies has no foundation and no matter how solid the walls are… will always come crumbling down, just as mine did. I am still not sure why I became so trapped by it. Sometimes I think it’s because I wanted to seem interesting… and fit in - but most times I think it’s simply because I was bored. I lived half in the real world and half in the world I imagined for myself.

Now I spend everyday, completely aware of my brain’s conscious effort to always tell the truth. I’ve become very good at keeping my thoughts to myself - and it often gives the first impression of timidity. Not to say I won’t speak up if I feel the need… but I refuse to sugarcoat my opinions. I refuse even the white lies or manipulation of the truth. I also have a tendency to cross the line, and reveal way too much personal information if a discussion is particularly fascinating.

So my solution is to choose silence over lies. It works.

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