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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

step 3.. where are you?

At some point, we all have to face incomprehensible dilemmas and just… make a decision. I’ve always had a plethora (I love that word) of walls and barriers built high and thick, to protect every different aspect of my life… but have started to realize that sometimes, boundaries don't keep other people out, they only fence me in. Life is messy and unpredictable. That's how we're made. So do I continue drawing lines, or start living my life crossing them? Ayn Rand (another one of my literary idols) once wrote, "Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists... it is real... it is possible... it is yours." These geniuses of the written word always seem to have figured everything out, and have so many amazing ideas to share but lack the necessary instructions on just how it’s possible to get there. I spend a lot of my time thinking about the miracle of life. The impossibility of the possible, the hatred of love, the joy of sadness. Nothing is as simple as it seems, and yet, much more simple then it seems. I mentioned this in a vlog once, but I truly believe there are three steps to the process of true knowledge. The first, is a deceptive simplicity, where it all seems too easy and we are rendered blissfully ignorant of the truth. The next is a confusing complexity, where we are slammed with so much all at once that there is no possible way to understand which parts are truly relevant. Then the last step, a profound simplicity. The comprehension that all those ideas start out swirling around in a giant tangled mess but eventually rewire themselves into one, single, final, overwhelming profound thought. I’m not there yet, and it will take some time to get past my muddled, looping brain and make a little sense out of my seemingly random bouts of emotion, but hopefully one day, I let myself be free with others, and not just free with myself. Ayn Rand also wrote, “Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live and before they know it...time runs out.”
A solitary existence is never what I expected for myself, nor is it something I want to continue for much longer, but while it’s happening, I’ll write my sorrows away in an attempt to record the time I spend stuck in step two. Confusing, complex and undeniably aggravating to know that I’m here, with no idea how to continue moving forward.

2 comments:

LupineLooPine said...

In my experience I've found that several concepts we deal with are too disparate to be merged harmoniously into one. In fact, we simply, quite falsely.. associate properties to things we know - like beauty to truth, when this simply need not be so.
As far as your simple truth to profound truth is concerned, two things might make it happen faster - be objective as far as possible, and get informed on relevant information. Consistently, I've been able to see the bigger picture. One may scoff, but then I gladly invite people to show the limitations in my thought.

I don't know about the literary geniuses of the past, but little old me on YT doesn't mind spelling out every single detail to as far as I've understood it (to show that I'm not full of shit) in the hope that it will make sense and be put to practice by others.

To move forward in your profession? Find control. Find out how to simplify your work. Find the challenge that is very doable and within your grasp that is the secret of the businessman, artist and scientist alike. I guess, you have to figure out WHAT makes your writing come out a certain way... what do you have to do, what the prerequisites are; and what aspects do you consider beautiful in your work and in other peoples work (though it's best to just lap beauty up by osmosis). Then , practice those activities that implement those factors.. do it bit by bit. When you have control, you are always growing... you don't feel like you're wasting your time.
You'll also have to feed the selfishness, to appreciate the following fact - that if you could "succeed" in what you're doing (success is defined by you), then you wouldn't bother with the other distractions (YT et al.) which merely gain strength off the fear and failures of your highest goal. Socializing on the net is usually just a way of seeking validation.. i.e it is selfish. It rarely.. rarely, is something where you go on exclusively for the other person and for them. Most would rather just "play their part" and be validated by people they never met.

I gave this same advice (well.. similar) yesterday night.. really early morning today (on TheStarvingSoprano's video), and there's no need to refine or reform it since it's true.

achigurh said...

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above,
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love,
Don't fence me in.
Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze,
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees,
Send me off forever but I ask you please,
Don't fence me in.

cole porter/bob fletcher

if you happen to be a billionaire...