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Saturday, July 11, 2009


For years now, every person at some point or another seems to jump on the bandwagon of every new ridiculous diet. From Weight Watchers to Jenny Craig to Dr. Atkins there is a smorgasbord of options to choose from. Every “expert” has their very own tips, tricks, cheats, theories and advice to offer. With that being said, I must warn you I have no diet education and no motivation to learn the standards and expectations of the weight loss world…but will preach out my personal (and permanent) eating habits anyways. This is not a diet plan, despite the title of this post, it is just simply how I choose to limit what I put in my mouth. Number One: I don’t eat sugar. It is not a whole protein, lacks any and all nutrients needed for your body to metabolize it into energy, will make your skin gross and put holes in your teeth. I am not fooled by diet sodas or “sugar-free” candy. If it contains aspartame or splenda or any other artificial sweetner then I stay far far away. If something says zero calories, that means zero energy. Its quite scary actually when you think about what the fuck is really there. Your tastebuds recognize it as sugar but it goes into your body and somehow… disappears. Not healthy. Now… I must add that I cant live without icecream or Hersheys chocolate kisses, but like every vice in our world, the secret is moderation. I don’t keep anything in the house so it is not readily available, but will indulge once in a while when I go out. Number Two: I Imagine I am living 200 years ago and eat only what would have been available back in those times before we started mass producing Nestle products and “enriching” vitamin additives into everything. I eat natural whole foods, unprocessed, unfiltered, unrefined un… everything. Number Three: I look to dental anatomy for the proper ratio of food groups that humans were designed to eat. We have eight incisors (four on the top, four on the bottom) used for tearing or sheering fruit or vegetables. A couple canines for shredding meat and the rest are molars. Exactly like cow teeth used specifically for grinding grain. Carbs do not equal death. The very first human like creatures evolved eating grass seeds. Bread, crackers, rice, pasta, corn, oatmeal (all whole grain) is what makes up at least 60% of what I eat. Number Four: Water. Lots and lots and lots of water. Number Five: I combine foods in the right ways. If I'm going to binge on a big steak, I'll eat a salad with some sort of acidic dressing (most vinaigrettes work great) to help digest that huge hunk of beef that will literally rot in my stomach. Number Six: I don’t skip meals but will substitute them with smaller portions if I have to. I hate breakfast. When I’m rushing to get ready for my day throwing in time to eat can be a hassle but I’ll grab an apple or some toast or even just a few crackers. I also eat my dinner in two sittings. Most at around 6 or 7, then later if I'm still hungry I'll eat what's leftover. Number Seven: For snacks, think salty instead of sweet. I love Pringles and Doritos and Corn Chips – which might have higher fat content then a handful of jellybeans… but are in fact way better for you in terms of real nutrition. Number Eight: I don’t have a number eight but I wanted this list to end with my favourite number.

I’d like to add that I don’t exercise regularly and will go swimming often enough and walk my dog every day – but it is for pleasure not weight loss and so, looking the way I do and having maintained my very good relationship with the bathroom scale… I can whole heartedly vouch for every single thing I’ve just written. For me, that is. You may be different. Like I warned you, this is not a diet plan, just an explanation of how I eat and what I would recommend to anyone who asked.


LupineLooPine said...

This is a bit of a surprise really. I figured you were a gal who didn't give a fuck about what she puts in her mouth. I think that came out wrong. I think talk about coming out wrong while referring to the mouth automatically comes out wrong. Speaking of mouth though, I'm very impressed by how you actually think about what to eat on the basis of your teeth. Not the slightest thought of thinking of it from that angle ever occurred in my mind. I usually try things heuristically these days for pretty much anything. Once I find out what works, then I begin understanding the pattern. You're smarter though, so you didn't need a trial and error approach to reach the right path in this case.

Before I lose track in this transcribed mental diarrhea, I think your diet is very sound. Refined sugar is pretty messed up. Nearly all the foods in the supermarket these days are messed up, from baby food to milk. Food is processed basically to have a certain consistency and texture that sells, an aesthetic appeal.. more so than to ensure longevity, and in the process one will most likely end up with something that in the long run will destroy the body of even the most genetically blessed individual. The irritating thing to me is that it's all for show, a marketing strategy .. which comes at the cost of health. Now if it was just to increase shelf life, that's one thing, but the tin can has been pretty good at doing that for a fairly decent amount of time. Anyway, I won't let this spiral into how messed up society is. I'm just happy to be informed now at least, after years of abusing my body in my many facetedly (?.. should be a word) horrendous teenage and early adult years.

I haven't had porridge in a while, and your post has inspired me to have that right about now in the midst of my carb craving state.

Michael said...

I, and many others in my family, have only six incisors, rather than eight. There are only two on the top. It's a congenital thing.
Does this mean members of my family should eat fewer vegatables?
I kind of like that idea, actually.

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