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Monday, September 28, 2009

a nightmare.

I have a reoccurring dream that pops up every so often. It came to me again last night. One of the first nightmares I can remember having as a little girl, and it’s always exactly the same. Nothing changes. Not even the clothes I’m wearing, or the time of day or my reaction when I wake up. I’m 8 years old in my dream, or at least I look around that age, and I’m watching myself. I’m in my old log cabin in northern Canada, and I’m watching myself... frozen. A little blonde girl stuck in a moment that everyone else around her isn’t trapped in. I watch myself watch my little sister as she crawls into my wood burning fireplace, and I don’t stop her. I scream at myself, I wonder why I’m not moving. I try to reach out and save my little sister from the flames, but nothing happens. My beloved childhood dog appears after a few minutes, growling at me, and jumps in the fire to save my sister. She gets out, seemingly unhurt, but my dog never returns, and I watch myself cry. One tear runs down my cheek, and I watch myself watch it drop to the ground. Then with one barely audible little splash, I wake up. It’s always the same, and no matter how many books I read, documentary's I pour over, again and again, or how completely obsessed I am with manipulating my own dream-states... I cannot get myself to move.

5 comments:

achigurh said...

dreams are such a freaking trip! i don't believe any of that "interpretation" crap...i think dreams heal us..period.
perhaps having the same dream is just a way of the body saying..."well shit, this here body is a little lacking in (insert some important thing that we need to live here). it worked the last time so let's fuckin' bring on that nightmare again"!

Michael said...

When you're in REM sleep, your muscles actually lock up, presumably to prevent you from moving in reaction to your dreams. It's very common in highly emotional dreams to find yourself unable to move, and one popular theory is that it's because the deeper parts of your brain try to initiate movement due to the traumatic experience in the dream, and then the neural signals from the locked muscles feed back into the dream itself. Sometimes the paralysis can even last a few minutes after waking.

jon said...

hmmm, I'll put on my Freud hat... Do you feel guilty for something happening to your sister that you think you could/should have prevented had you done something?

Anonymous said...

you can't move...^,^ ever

zompac said...

whats with that picture? It appears that there is a person laying on the ground and there is a bright moon in the background at night.
Theres 6 people surrounding you. one of them is barly in the shot and the eye is facing away from you. Two of them have their head in the shot but are looking away. another one has their head and neck in the shot and is looking away from you. another ones head and shoulders are in but there not looking straight at you. The last one has half of his body in the shot and is looking straight at you.

What does it mean, that is a creepy drawing.

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