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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

the BLOW AND TELL

I’m sexist. Reverse sexist. And my youtube channel too. Because 92% of my subscribers have penises. Impressive. Or pathetic maybe. But if I cared enough to calculate it, I’d say 92% of my offline friends have penises too. I prefer male company. Not because of the penises themselves (okay, so not ALWAYS about the penises) but because, boys are so easy. Men tend to get a little more complicated with age, and a higher quality of selection will emerge, but I’d say all women, are at least 92 times more complicated then 92% of men. Wait, I need to clarify. Straight men. I’m not even gonna get into gay guys. Those motherfuckers have issues.
(Holy shit. You CANT call gay guys motherfuckers. Because they could just be like.. Actually… no. We don’t DO vagina.)

I’ve spent a lot of time around straight men as the “friend,” and you’re free to interpret those quotations to mean whatever you want. But…the best lesson I’ve ever learned, comes from right in here in the Philippines.

So listen up 8%.
If you find yourself in a failing relationship where you just cannot get that motherfucker to listen to anything you say, or treat you the way you want to be treated, I have the answer. You won’t like it, but I have it.

The next time you’re bitching to your man about whatever the fuck it is you bitch about, stop what your doing, make or order him some good food, get him a beer, or ten, have sex with him… and THEN, instead of bitching, tell him what you want. Don’t ask. Tell. It’s like training a dog. He will associate what you just told him, to the feeling of satisfaction, and be 92 percent more inclined to actually listen. Now, I realize many of you have the system backwards. You think the man should only get what he wants, AFTER he’s done what you want, but you see.. that’s exactly what he’s thinking too. And it’s not about giving in, it’s about winning. If we are the ones to stop the vicious cycle, we are also the ones that end up looking so damn good, the men are left trying to catch up.

Don’t you WANT to be the girlfriend a guy can brag about to his buddies?

Come on girls. Just... suck up your pride (literally) and give in to the process I forever deem, the blow and tell. 92 times more effective then bitching, since the beginning of time.

Of course it’s not all about sex, but think of it this way… all your other fantastic qualities will be recognized, appreciated and rewarded to a much more satisfying degree, if your man himself… is satisfied.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could call the gay guys 'fatherfuckers'.

Anonymous said...

well, if you read the beginning she tried to, but it didn't worked out.
to be serious, motherfucker sounds 10.000 times better than fatherfuckers ^^

Anonymous said...

If you want something to call the gay guys try "Cock-chugers" that always seems to get their attention.

casadeluna said...

as i sit here watching monster bug wars and reading the final words of your cerebral drainage i take one thing away from this...you live in the Philippines, i know a friend who knows a lady who was born on a ship of shore of Philippines...

jon said...

Well I think that's a way oversimplification of guys but, ah..., I guess it's kinda on the money. Man, we are shallow.

luis said...

best god damn blog ever... PERIOD

Zveshi said...

Positive reinforcement 101 :p

Anonymous said...

while i know it is possible this is only true for me since it is not the type of thing men compare notes about i would be surprised if it were not true for all men that the most clear and honest time in a mans day, month, year whatever, is right after sex. he is happy and pliable and will be honest with you and himself. thats why the man will throw the slut out of the room or leave himself when the event is passed since he now realizes he wants nothing to do with this woman. women have always assumed he has no use for her now - true but the bigger factor is that he is thinking clearly now. this is but one of many examples that i could go on about.

if you happen to be a billionaire...