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Thursday, April 15, 2010

when I'm hurting...

When my fingers tremble as I type, I know the words I want will not run straight or easy. When my thoughts constantly elude me, hidden in some unknown corners of this bitter maze. When my entries get scarce here, and the raindrops don’t write themselves to any seemingly coherent points. When my emotions have been choked breathless and dried out. When I’ve felt too much of everything, to know what anything feels like anymore. When it’s so fucked up and down and in and out and backwards and upside down all at once. When the world turns slowly, but we all keep rushing. When there are crumpled tear-stained tissues overflowing every trashcan. When the fire is too hot to touch. When every song sounds like a heartache. When my dreams are just black and it feels worse than the nightmares. When everything is never as it seems.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Another two cents:

Hell is nothing more than a very deep hole. Stop digging and start climbing. Change, esepcially transformatve change in the initial stages, can be extremely painful and challenging in all sorts of ways. Difficult it is, painful it may be, but with an initial creative act of will ("let there be light") coupled with focus and commitment, it is doable.

Here's a poem that has consoled me in tough times. I hope it brings a little joy into your life as well.

"Spring & Fall"

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By & by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep & know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

Gerard Manley Hopkins

Badilunaah said...

Totally.

if you happen to be a billionaire...