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Movies (4) Photos. (47) Poetry (16) Quotations. (76) Words (15) Writings. (137)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.

Friday, March 25, 2011

youtube truth.

Maybe it's all fading into some fucked up web version of everything that’s wrong in the world.

Maybe sincerity on youtube has turned out to be too much to ask for… and maybe fame is worse than never being heard in the first place. All the drones seem to want now is distraction. (No, I guess they euphemize nicely and call it ‘entertainment’ now). Guns, tits and a car chase with a bunch of fuckin’ bad guys.

I’m not even sure I can be sincere there. I always had to be out proving something. Just a scared little girl, who, despite everything, was always left fighting a twisted need to be heard… and twisted only because of the part I chose to play to try and get people to listen. Honestly… I don’t know what went wrong, but at some point along the way, I lost sense of what I wanted from my youtube experience… and tried way too hard to satisfy everything it wanted from me.

Now comes the realization that 99.9 percent of the people that interact with any video I have ever done, or will ever do… wont ever give a fuck about who I am, what I stand for, what I want, do, think, or even what the fuck I’m actually talking about. Even being self confined to the “viewer-role” … it still feels exactly like I’m walking in circles through dogshit all day. At the end of a long and brutal night, I finally get home, and start scraping that same shit from the side of my boots, picking through all the bits and pieces to see if anything matters. And … maybe none of it does. Maybe I’ve found all the gold, and the rest… well, its all just fucking dog shit. Maybe… I can stop looking. Maybe we all can.

That seems like a lot of fucking maybes (7 on my final count) and a virtually pointless message… but hey, I’m a hypocrite, just like everyone else. Transcribing my incoherent late night mumbling to the few stragglers who have actually made it this far. At least… I’m here, against my better judgment, waiting around for a little bit more of that point one percent.

And yes, I will willingly trudge through dogshit every fucking day if I have to.

As a sidenote: If an explanation for my absence is somehow needed at some point, then I say… misspacman08 died, and left me her life. I’m trying to… find all the pieces, but I think most are probably gone for good… so this is a fucking reconstruction, or at least, the beginning of one.

if you happen to be a billionaire...