choose your weapon...

Movies (4) Photos. (47) Poetry (16) Quotations. (76) Words (15) Writings. (137)

Monday, January 25, 2010

You zealots say my smoking is affecting my judgement. -- I say to you... your judgement is affecting my smoke.

Step away.

my next tattoo.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

list from last night.

Rule number one: Avoid all things of the miniskirt and heels persuasion when embarking upon a drunken adventure
Rule number two: Begin said adventure much much later than 5pm
Rule number three: Do not begin said adventure at all… if feeling sad or upset.
Rule number four: Do not believe that beer can, or will, drown away all your troubles.
Rule number five: Do not shop in side-of-the-road boutiques if wasted
Rule number six: Realize that….yes, tiger print does make you look like a slut.
Rule number seven: Avoid changing into new dress in public places.
Rule number eight: Do not accompany American tourist friend to strip clubs.
Rule number nine: Do NOT, under any circumstances, let the girls convince you to dance on stage
Rule number ten: Read this list every weekend, and try not to break EVERY rule in one night.

Friday, January 22, 2010


Blogger LupineLooPine said..."Enter me, a wrung out, high strung, pigmented figment of Heather's ligamented, tinted imagination. With my troglodyte undies, I stand proud on a pounded mound of miscellaneous dung to spread forth the fruits of my testicular knowledge, which really, is nothing more than Heather Maria's warped insights into reality, both external and internal."

Monday, January 18, 2010

27 questions... my way.

1. Who is your crush?
2. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
Honestly, yes. Kinda.
3. What is your current mood?
Already annoyed by my decision to do this survey.
4. What color underwear are you wearing?
None – unless these plaid boxers count as pajamas and underwear.
5. What makes you happy?
Smiles and ice-cream. And orgasms.
6. What are you doing?
7. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day:
Well damn.. if I MUST, for just ONE day, I’d be… a bird. A little brown sparrow.
8. Ever had a near death experience?
Twice. When I was little and stupid and ate poisonous things.
9. And 10. Have been omitted due to extreme lack of relevance.
11. When was the last time you cried?
I cried tonight, from watching the season finale of Californication. Yeah yeah, I’m a girl. It happens.
12. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Unless horribly drunk karaoke counts, then no. I have not, and will never.
13. If you could have one super power what would it be?
I’d like to be indestructible.
14. If you could go back in time, and change something what would you change?
I’d go back to about 30 seconds ago, and not do this survey.
15. First thing you notice about people?
Hands… or...handshake and voice.
16. What's your biggest secret?
Anyone who answers this question at all… is lying.
17. Favorite colour?
18. When was the last time you lied?
Just now. My favourite color is Green, and Yellow.
19. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Disney movies.
20. Omitted also.
21. What's your favorite smell?
Coconut Body Butter.
22. If you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
23. What should you be doing?
I WILL be… ending this survey now. They used the ‘should’ word on me. It’s over.
24. What was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
25. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
26. Do you act differently around your crush?
27. Name one song that reminds you of an ex?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

quote of my life.

If you don't think too good, don't think too much.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

god and dinosaurs.

I am a devoted anti-alarmist. So much in fact, that I can say with absolute certainty, the dinosaurs were not turned into bone piles by some mass extinction catastrophe. Oh no no no. I have the real answer. The real reason why dinosaurs no longer exist today. Pure truth here ladies and gentleman. You see… when God was just a baby, He thought “Hey! This Earth place looks pretty damn cool. Let’s make something to live there.” At first, the little micro biotical sea creatures were all He needed to amuse himself, then as He aged, and started to branch out.. bigger sea creatures, and amphibians were made. By the time He himself could walk, God looked down again and thought “Yeah… that land stuff needs more of these things, and let’s give ‘em legs!” So the very first mammals were made. Step three happened sometime after God entered into the threatening world of toddlers, and thought “Let’s make HUGE monsters that are green and slimy and EAT EACH OTHER!” Along come massive body weight, but pea-size shit-for-brains dinosaurs… using up way too much oxygen and living purely on survival instincts in a world still being tossed between kill-zone ice ages and intense volcanism. But even those got boring. So puberty slams Him in the balls… and God just wants to destroy things. He thinks Himself a rebel and slowly kills off all the huge eyesores. Gets stoned and forgets about the sharks, whales and alligators. Finally, God becomes an adult, and makes the very responsible and grown up decision, to create the next things in His image. Boom. Humanity. He gives us the ability to think, and we become self-aware, consequently fucking up His whole plan for complete domination and planet rule. Now I’m thinking He’s getting bored again. Either that or He’s just senile and can’t control his friend Mother Nature anymore. So She’s throwin earthquakes and tidal waves around all over the place, trying to jump into the power position as God fades away into a little corner and starts muttering senseless old-people stories to no one in particular.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

the symposium

"According to Greek mythology humans were created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."

Saturday, January 9, 2010

there’s always that moment.

When the same trail I’ve walked everyday... drops into oblivion and I step off the ledge. That moment I realize I can’t hear my footsteps anymore, and everything is black. Or maybe white. Who can tell when you’re pit falling into nothingness? Colours are indeterminate, and useless. But look… even now, I’ve conned myself into writing that moment as some sort of ominous threat to familiarity. It’s not. Not really. Would I rather be back on the path, about to continue my daily traipse through the same old bullshit? Or would I rather fall victim to some blind-siding emotional cliff dive? Call me crazy, but life without risk… even if it’s risking all you’ve ever had, or will have again… sounds pretty pathetic to me. So keep your head up, keep your eyes straight ahead, and when that moment comes for you… don't cry because you might miss the constant echo of your feet hitting solid ground... smile because you're free to start again in the air... and find some new ground to walk, or crawl, or smash into later.

youtube: my angled alliteration

Fuck the spotless stains
In this anonymous amusement park.
The sport of strangers.
Creative cannibals
Calling out for more.
Insatiable idiots,
Playing and preying
With vicious dis-virtue.
Fanatical failures
Deserting their dreams...
And taking us with them.

Monday, January 4, 2010

currently reading*

I cheat on my books. All the time. These two are my new favourites though. For now.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

comment spelling FAIL!

  cmaldonado8 (2 weeks ago)
you have the eyes of an angle

loopy writes my rain.

"Thank heavens however for Heather's blog having the common multiplicative factor of stalkers, poets, friends, losers and enemies, for I'm sure our presence means a lot to her and gives her a reason to perpetuate her online sharing of anecdotes, perspectives, written stories and scripts, pictures of herself, and other unspecific narcissistic manifestations."

Friday, January 1, 2010



I've talked about my cat before, so I thought you might like a visual. His name is Ming, but less affectionately known as Half-Nut, the scrapper. This is me catching him on a good day. He actually looks almost white, instead of the usual greyish mix.

if you happen to be a billionaire...