(A paragraph from my current novel)
For a minute it’s quiet, and his eyes are already half-closed. I’m so close that I can feel his breath quicken as the air slowly heats up around us. He reaches out and pushes a stray hair out of my face. His hands are soft. So soft I can barely feel his fingertips as our eyes meet. One hand wanders for a moment, briefly twining with his own before settling gently on his chest. I feel his heart beating faster as the line of no return continues to blur. I can almost smell his overwhelming desire taking hold of all rationality. The sweat from his arms meeting my skin. The nervous twitch of a foot. He's holding back, he’s trying not to give in, trying to hide how much he wants… but it's too late. Whatever reservations we had before have slipped quietly into the fiery power of this moment. The whole room seems fainter, and I’m reminded of that deceptive stillness before the hurricane I know is coming. And cum he does. Releasing himself completely with a guttural moan, his warm and salty juices tickling the roof of my mouth. I lick it all off like a good little girl, pushing the limits of his pleasure... and then lean back to watch his whole body shiver and sink deep into the sofa.
21 comments:
I am suddenly in need of a cold shower.
I need a cigarette after reading that.
Wow. You're really good. Not only are the descriptions incredibly vivid, but the words flow smoothly, from one sentence to the next, witout the halting and jerking of the rhythm that so many authors produce. And the emotions come through very clearly, without being forced. I feel what you feel as I read it.
If you have a hard time getting novels published, or even finished, you should consider writing for some porno magazines. You clearly know how to create the imagery, and the writers they usually have really suck. (But they don't suck in the good way, as you do in this paragraph.)
gahh...I'm thinkin yur so much better than that, Chica
shoot...sorry, that was destructive...we need constructive crits....forgive me.
Re-read Anais Nin and Henry Miller, with particular reference to the building of the literary orgasm.
I don't think there's any need to build towards the orgasm in this. This is told entirely from her point of view, so it makes since for the cumming to just happen, without much warning from her perspective. That's often the way it is in real life.
And we don't know the context of the story here. Maybe it's important for him to squirt while she's just warming up.
(I just read through it again. Actually, there is a little bit of warning. But still, in the context of the larger story, there still may be no cause to build up to it greatly.)
(I have some experience in this genre, so I hope that means I have a little knowledge of how it's done.)
;) , good stuff.
Merry Xmas miss.
@Michael...ok, I should simply let this pass, but for your allusion to your "experience in this genre"...after all, your comments stand on their own, or they don't...in the end, that faintly paternal slap down is hilarious, and hardly convinces that this piece is well written.
The fact is, most elementarily, that the language and the possible themes of this piece are contradictory, and the use of vocabulary internally inconsistant, which by the way, is one prominent difference between pornography and literature. This point being lost on you, only affirms your expertise in the former.
I stand by my comment...this writer, known by past works, is eminently more capable than this piece would exemplify.
Hmm, I do believe it's time for one of my rare replies.
@ chaser: I appreciate the sentiment behind this representing my lesser work in your opinion, but it was written with the full intention to not seem like a blowjob until the very end, and then slap it in your face when you realize she has a dick in her mouth the whole time. It's about finding the subtle details associated with romance, because any girl that's ever sucked a cock knows all the beautiful fluff of the moment heads straight out the door when the sperm comes. Perhaps it's not exactly what anyone would consider an effective literary orgasm... but I wanted realism, not idealism.
Straight, simple, and not so sweet. That's what a blowjob is like for a woman.
@Mike: Thank-you.
@Lupine: I love you, with all my non-literary orgasm-ed little heart.
Damn you guys need to get some pussy
The only thing clear in this piece was your intent to surprise. As a woman...the piece left me cold, I called it as I saw it, no offense...I suspect that experience will reinform the piece.
Wow. You really got people talking with this one.
I think you accomplished your goal very successfully with this. It did come as a surprise-- I thought you were describing foreplay, even when I got to the part about him holding back. And I think the anticlimactic climax worked perfectly for the effect you say you wanted.
to Chaser-- I'm sorry. I wasn't intending to paternalistically slap you down. I was just trying to explain that one doesn't have to build to the literary orgasm if that's not the intent of the story. There are several ways to write erotically, or to write non-erotically about erotic subjects if such is the intent.
I guess I just brought up my experience to demonstrate that I know enough about what works in porno to get published (stories, not letters), and I think the eroticism of the first part is very good. And as for the end, well, as has already been said, Heather was going for a different effect.
(In my own stories, by the way, I did build up to the literary orgasm, with rhythmic sentences and ornate description, and a huge emphasis on emotion and sensation.)
(I may have oversold myself before, though. I'm really not that much of an expert, and I think my own writings might be a little unusual. An editor told me so, anyway, but she said she liked that about my stories.)
I'm not trying to start a fight here. I just have this pathetic need to justify myself sometimes. I can definitely understand your criticisms, even if I don't quite agree with them.
there is no end for what you cannot touch, and what is pain is only smoke.
Supreme!
Sorry for such a late entry. I got a kick out of Heather's reply. I have to admit, I read the title of the blog and the first 4 sentences on Thursday and thought, "Oh Heather is in one of her romantic moods" and kinda just moved on. Then later, I had a moment to revisit her blog and saw the initial responses of cold shower and cigarette and thought, "What the heck did I miss?" Finally I reread the excerpt from beginning to end. Nice! But how could I comment after I had initially dismissed it as romantic garble and I only got interested when I thought that I had missed some hidden porno pose? What can i say... I'm not much of a literary aficionado.
*blushes*
I'm uber pissed that I didn't get to do the read-aloud thing for this :(
In any case - bravo mama.
When is this video getting posted?
I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing
I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing
I would appreciate more visual materials, to make your blog more attractive, but your writing style really compensates it. But there is always place for improvement
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